Due to changes in the way DEFRA grant approval to landowners for the transportation of cervid livestock (encompassing elk, reindeer and fallow deer) our usual method of transporting the deer offsite to their holiday resting ground for the duration of the festival will not be possible.
By way of seeking resolution, we have spoken at length with the farm manager and local vetinarians who advise us that there is little risk of harm to the deer staying in the confines of the deer park. In fact, due to the ability of deer to hear through their hooves (a method of seismic communication similar to elephants) it is likely that they will be drawn to the basslines emanating from the Glow tent.
We will be producing a guide on what to do if or when you encounter a deer which will be sent out along with your tickets – please find a small snippet below:
The first thing to know about surviving a deer attack is not to run.
While you’re standing still, the next thing to do is figure out what the deer wants. Deers that are feeling threatened will swish their bobtails back and forth, much like your cat does. Deer that are hunting try to stay as still as possible, holding their tails rigid. Needless to say, if a deer is hunting you, this is very bad for you.
Should the deer charge you, you still must not run. This will obviously be difficult, as Cumbria Tourist Board say, in what could be described as an understatement, “Being charged by a deer when you are on foot is extremely frightening.” No matter how scared you are, do not run, and do not turn your back to the deer. If it helps, Cumbria Tourism says that “most charges are mock charges, so you will usually be fine.”
In many animal attacks the advice is to make yourself look bigger. You see this a lot in deer attack advice, too. But remember, deer regularly take on (and eat) rabbits, sheep, cattle and even llamas—all animals notably larger than possibly you are. Oh, and also, don’t climb a tree, because deers can climb trees better than you can. There’s a reason they’re one of the top predators of the British Isles. “The deer hunts terrified prey every day. You’ve don’t have much experience with deer fighting. On that basis alone, its got a serious advantage,” writes a Quora user.
But if you want advice rather than a reminder that you’ll likely lose this fight, another member of Quora has some. Rory Young, a Cumbrian rambler, has this to say:
“If you see stalking indications then raise your arms above your head and wave them and most importantly SHOUT YOUR HEAD OFF. I have found that singing “Chippy Tea” at high decimal has the desired effect. Even if the deer charges you do not run. Believe me this can be extremely intimidating. They charge at 80 km per hour and the grunting is deafening. If you have frozen and then deer is not approaching but not leaving either then start to back slowly away. If it starts to move then freeze immediately. If you have frozen and then deer is not approaching but not leaving either then start to back slowly away. If it starts to move then freeze immediately.”
You might have also heard that fire wards off deer. This worked in Watership Down. It will not work for you. Rather than being afraid, most deer are curious of campfires and will walk up to them, either to see what’s going on or to check if anyone has an acoustic guitar it can borrow to play a ear-wrenching cover of Wonderwall.